The thing about this blog is it helps me to process my everday experiences into God-gifts - the hearty lessons along the way that will hopefuly resonate with others too. So I kind of have to get personal sometimes, which is a little intense but oh well. Let it be.
We found out that we lost our baby on December 6th and it ended up being a drawn-out journey that only really "ended" the day before yesterday. Hopefully we can put it all behind us now and move forward.
I wanted to post a little bit on how freeing it was, a couple days after we found out about the loss, to form a stance on what had happened. Through a book I was reading, "An Apple for the Road," God helped me to sort out the default messages I said to myself and to others... the things I leaned on when I scrambled for the truth in it all. Here's a little blurb, from an email I wrote to someone in December, that summarizes those messages:
"God's been helping me through this time by giving me some revelation about His goodness. I've been thinking more about how sickness is not from Him, and that includes the loss of this baby. Sometimes bad things like this happen, but He's not the author of those plans. And because of this truth, I think I'll be able to not become bitter but to be driven to keep seeking Him and to understand Him and His grace more. I think God is giving me faith and hope that somehow this loss will be redeemed in our lives. I'm not sure how, but I think that if I can have that faith then I'll be able to overcome fear. I'm feeling peace not asking why this happened and instead, asking for strength and grace while I grieve this loss. It's been difficult but not as difficult as I would have imagined because of such supportive words and strength from people praying for us and encouraging us."
Here are some quotes from the book that I've been reading over and over too:
"I will always declare, God, that You are good. I refuse to be offended at You, for this condition is not from You." - Chris Gore (regarding his daughter's sickness).
"Live boldly enough to pray scary prayers that He can't help but show up for." - Chris Gore
"If your life is anything like mine, there will be twists and turns, some of which will be ordained by Him and some redeemed or re-crafted by Him to fulfill His plans." - Paul Manwaring