Wednesday, October 3, 2012


"Give me children or else I die.”

I think I’ve been too hard on Rachel… 

Now I can hear a fragility in her voice.  I’ve felt this longing too.  I want to hug her and assure her of God’s grace.  Is that okay? 

What was her heart place when she uttered these words?  What did her hubby see in her eyes when she gripped his hands and spoke? 

I think desperate, sorrowful

She wasn’t itching for a car or envying her neighbour’s house.  She wanted a child… a maternal heart longing.  There’s something ordained about that desire for children.  That identity.  That heart beat…   

She had deferred hopes and doesn’t the bible tell us hope deferred makes the heart sick?  I’m not surprised she was in such a place.   

Maybe she also spoke in a love-bare way…

I too have found myself sharing my unguarded heart with my husband.  In quiet, with no one around.  At least my words don’t get written in the Book of books for all others to know me by… for eternity.  Those careless words, vulnerable heart cries, finger pointing and impossible demands. 

And perhaps there was resentment and a mouth full of bitter

Was she jealous?  Yes, she envied her sister, Leah, who was quite the fertile myrtle.  Did she act out this jealousy in foolishness?  Yah, she did.  She gave her maid to Jacob so she could bear children on her behalf.  Was this wrong?  Yuppers.  All this arranging was in her own strength and desperation instead of through the Lord’s wisdom and way.      

But the roots of jealousy and envy start at the one thought about another’s looks or swollen belly… at the I want one too… We’re not so different, Rachel and I.  Except, did she have a grace covering?  Not sure.  She didn’t have the Holy Spirit strength gift within.

I want to remember Rachel and that place. 


wonder wilks said...

just moving. xo

wonder wilks said...

haha... i have no idea what that comment meant until just a second ago... moving as in: inspirational & touching not moving as in moving forward... still working on that clarity in writing thing. :)