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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Undone

I cried at work yesterday.

I’ve been working on a “file” that’s grown stressful.  Gradually, quietly, so I didn’t really notice the buildup.  I think it affects me because it could impact real people’s lives… and it’s still to be determined if it will be in a good way or not so good way. 

Yesterday I was working away and this last little straw was delivered to me.  It plopped down on my head and I thought I was fine.  Until a director (not my own, I should add) pulled me into her closed office.  She’s very kind and approachable and encouraging.  That closed door safety broke me and I started to cry… then I couldn’t stop.  How awkward.  How embarrassing. 

And while I was crying away, and speaking to her in between sobs, I marveled at how unworky I felt… like I was anywhere else but there in my bureaucratic office building.  Professional boundaries were crossed and it was just me - little weepy, bare me.

It’s funny… well, it’ll get funnier with time.  For now I still feel a bit raw and emotional and not really relieved.  More like, how did that happen?  How did I let my guard down?  I’m still flabbergasted.

I guess it just goes to show how much of a difference a bit of encouragement and kindness can make.  Throw the Holy Spirit into that mix and no amount of professionalism, fronts, expected behaviours, stand a chance. 

Undone.      

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