I cried at work yesterday.
I’ve been working on a “file” that’s grown stressful. Gradually, quietly, so I didn’t really notice the buildup. I think it affects me because it could impact real people’s lives… and it’s still to be determined if it will be in a good way or not so good way.
Yesterday I was working away and this last little straw was delivered to me. It plopped down on my head and I thought I was fine. Until a director (not my own, I should add) pulled me into her closed office. She’s very kind and approachable and encouraging. That closed door safety broke me and I started to cry… then I couldn’t stop. How awkward. How embarrassing.
And while I was crying away, and speaking to her in between sobs, I marveled at how unworky I felt… like I was anywhere else but there in my bureaucratic office building. Professional boundaries were crossed and it was just me - little weepy, bare me.
It’s funny… well, it’ll get funnier with time. For now I still feel a bit raw and emotional and not really relieved. More like, how did that happen? How did I let my guard down? I’m still flabbergasted.
I guess it just goes to show how much of a difference a bit of encouragement and kindness can make. Throw the Holy Spirit into that mix and no amount of professionalism, fronts, expected behaviours, stand a chance.