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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Lay it down

When it comes to hoping to be pregnant, it’s hard when people say it’ll happen when I come to a place of peace, it’ll happen when we stop trying, it’ll happen when I take on something new and get distracted... that I just need to relax… I just need to give it up to God. 

And don’t feel bad if you’ve said this to me (or anyone else hoping to be pregnant); you are in the company of many... it’s very common. 

People say it likely because it’s true… for some, some of the time.  The problem is telling someone who wants something very much to stop wanting that thing very much… if that person knew how to stop wanting that thing very much, that person would probably stop it right away… because it’s painful.  You can’t want something then try not to want it just so you can get that thing that you have been wanting so very badly.  That’s playing mind games with yourself.  It doesn’t work.  It’s striving. 

Peace is a gift.  Peace is a natural place for a Christian to be.  Children are a gift from the Lord. 

Despite all this resisting and not enjoying the advice-giving, what I would really like to do above all else is to live a life poured out to God and to others. 

Certain circumstances make me realize how self-centered I am.  When I’m pressed, I realize I am holding on to my life very very hard.  I am holding on to my dreams and plans as if they were a security... a sure thing.    

I’m laying this life of mine down at Jesus’ feet… I’ll lay it down again in five minutes… if I make it that long.  I’ll lay myself down again when I get that little twinge under my ribs (desire).  I’ll lay it down again tomorrow when I wake up in the morning.  I’ll lay it down again when Isaac crawls into bed with me and cuddles… when I think about how I love being his mom.  

I’m laying my life down.

6 comments:

GStar said...

And this 'letting go' thing applies to so much more to just the situation you describe... it's human nature to want to hold on. I've just let go of something i'd been carrying/wanting so much for *years* and can't explain how it feels, other than i finally feel like i've found peace and can move forward in the direction God wants me to... Someone very close to me told me a long time ago that 'if it's God's will, nothing can stop it'. Be encouraged.

Melissa said...

You're so right. You can't stop wanting what you want. I love how well you explained it.
And you are about the least-self-centred person I know. And I admire your perspective.
Love,
Big Sis

pintucks said...

Peace darlin....and that's just it. Keep laying it down. Lay it down with every step. Fix your eyes up.

Easier said than done...most of the time if I feel that I've successfully done that for even a minute or two a day I'm coming out on top.

We just have to keep getting back up.

So much love....

Christy.

Mary said...

G, It's so true that this letting go applies to so many situations, not just baby situations. Letting go is super hard but freeing and peaceful as we persist in it. Thanks for commenting.

Thanks as well Eetsa and Christy. You're both so loving to me.

Mary

wonder wilks said...

beautiful. both the post & you maryann. beautiful. xo

Mary said...

Thanks Sarah. Everything from you and Steve this past week has been in line with this too, eh. Such grace.
Mary