Beth reminded me the other day of praying to be emotional (a healthy kind of emotional). I've prayed this prayer a couple times at different stages. Crying tends to be a sign that God is answering… crying so much you need a poncho. That's what we say - I need a prayer poncho! My desire to be emotional seems like a lifetime ago. I don't necessarily run into the same sort of numbness issues I used to have (Ben can testify to this). Now my eyes well up at just the hint of sentimentality, love, family...particularly during testimonies on a Sunday morning, definitely when I hear a child sing or pray, at all weddings…
This week crying came up a couple times in my conversations with others.
Ben taught his first class at School of the Word on Friday. His topic is the Kingdom of God and Social Action - how we're called to live in love in our communities and to seek justice for those treated unjustly. Bethy's in School of the Word this year. We were chatting about Ben's upcoming class. She said she just didn't want to cry. She said this because she sort of knew she would. It's because the topic is so close to her heart.
Also, Sylvie went to the Mama's group for the first time this week. When she mentioned it, I asked her if she cried. I told her that's the initiation - you cry your first time… and many more times afterwards. There's this healing release you receive from other mamas there.
Crying is sometimes just that - a point of release. It's like your heart's plugged up somewhere for whatever reason (maybe you are holding something back or not sharing a vulnerability or you're getting bitter in an area). But when you have that moment of release, your heart's punctured and the river of life wells up and flows out. Crying's a nice sign (in some cases) that there's been a deep breakthrough. Sometimes you don't know until it's happened and you ask yourself, "Why am I crying?"
I guess what it's all about is vulnerability - giving your heart completely to the Lord and giving in to whatever the consequences may be.