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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Grasshoppers

This past week, Ben and I took a long weekend and did an Ottawa-Peterborough-Burlington roadtrip with Isaac. Since becoming a mama, I feel more sensitive to life's fragility. It's because of the fierceness of the love I feel for my baby - and a maternal instinct that makes me picture bad things happening so I can practise safety and prevention, sustaining my baby's life. Sustaining what's in my hands to control...

Road trips make me sensitive like this, especially Hwy 401 routes through Toronto. It's the traffic speeding by, the transport trucks close enough to touch, the glimpses of rage in drivers' eyes. We drove past the Pearson International Airport, just at dusk. A couple airplanes landed right over us and I thought they looked like grasshoppers, silhouetted by the sun, their wheels engaged, like they were landing a jump. Grasshoppers represent our "littleness" in the bible. Sometimes I feel that littleness, that poof, and life can be taken away from you, like that.

There are times to think about the fragility of life... to motivate us to live every moment fully and without regrets. But when fear or anxiety are the roots, this thinking is not helpful. In our little Kia Rondo, with the cars soaring past us, Isaac sleeping in the backseat, and the planes landing overhead, I pictured myself with my feet set securely, high, upon God, our rock. I thought of how our lives are held in the palm of the Lord's hands. Peace.

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