For the past few months, whenever I'm around him, Isaac clings to my hip and cries and whines if I put him down or pass him on to someone else.
Child-rearing can bring up a lot of controversy and questioning. I battle with whether Ben and I have made the right life decisions - if I should be working so much. I wonder if I should carry Isaac around all the time. I get frustrated because of the loss of independence and my own impatience. I fear my own desire to stay at home more in the future, wondering if I can handle my children and their needs.
What's God saying in the midst of all this? I have no idea.
You have to be pretty secure and thick-skinned to be a parent, and yet it's such a skin-thinning, security-shaking place to be (for me, at least).
I was thinking about Psalm 131:2 - "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me." Marion Hartgerink (mama of four) explained this verse to me by saying once children are weaned they're no longer asking for milk whenever they're with their mother... there's a new kind of peace and calm when you're holding them. I love nursing but I think I understand what she means. We provide a security, babies grow up, and they move on to new things.
Isaiah 28:9-10 also talks about weaned babies. Isaiah asks who he should teach knowledge: "Those just weaned from milk? Those just taken from the breast?" It's a rhetorical question. There's an immaturity in the people that's like a little baby so he can't impart his wisdom to them - they aren't mature enough to receive it. He says,
"Order on order, order on order,
Line on line, line on line,
A little here, a little there."
Step by step. Moment by moment. One foot in front of the other. Building up up up. Isaac will be grown before we realize it. And I'll look back fondly to the time when he wanted to be held, wanted to nurse, wanted to be attached at my hip.